Words of Wisdom for Everyone

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

3. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

4. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was
probably worth it.

5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a
scapegoat.

6. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

7. When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" - it's always a negative one.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

10. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Words of Wisdom for the Ladies

1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

3. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

4. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.